thankful

happy thanksgiving!  i don't think i've ever experienced a thanksgiving quite like this one before.  i have been struggling with kidney stones for over a week now, and am dealing with pain even as i type right now.  i couldn't sleep last night - i woke up every hour or so in extreme pain.  i spent some time in the middle of the night watching tv in the living room trying to take my mind off of the hurt.  i really don't like being up alone in the middle of the night -- it feels so lonely to me.

trey woke up this morning, later than normal, which was such a blessing because i was actually sleeping again by that point.  he was so happy all morning.  he played with his trucks and danced to the music on the thanksgiving day parade.  i just couldn't help but feel over-the-top thankful for everything that he brings to my life.  it made me so thankful for my husband and the opportunity to be a mommy to trey and our little girl.

but i have to admit that through the pain of the last week, there have been more times than i can count that i just didn't feel thankful.  there have been times when i have just felt so frustrated...wondering why the pain won't go away and how long i'll have to deal with it before i feel normal again.  at times, i have felt so guilty because i didn't enjoy being pregnant and having to deal with these kidney stones, yet so many people that i love just long to be pregnant right now.  i have been feeling so guilty about the medication i've been taking to help me deal with the pain.  i guess that's the mom in me - don't we always feel guilty about not doing things "just right" for our kids?  obviously, my preference would be to not have to take vicodin daily, but also i know that my doctor wouldn't have prescribed something to me that is not okay.  i just have struggled with feeing weak because i can't handle more of the pain on my own.  it has been an exercise in me really trusting that God has this little girl in His hands and knowing that He is watching her when i can't, and knows every single one of her needs.  i am so thankful today for a God that promises to never leave me - i have experienced His faithfulness time and time again in my life, and i know that He will remain faithful. 

i am so thankful today for the way that God has softened my heart over the past year.  i am thankful for new friendships that have formed in my life, and old friendships that God has maintained.  i am thankful for my job, for the opportunity to make children feel safe, valuable, and loved on a daily basis.  i am thankful for my church, and for the way that i feel challenged there to put Jesus' love into action for those who are still lost or hurting around me.  i am thankful for a loving and supportive husband who is such a strong pillar in my life.  and i am so thankful for the cuddles, giggles, and even the trials that come with being a mom.

i just can't help but feel so very blessed today...even through the pain.  this pain is so small compared to the pain i felt seven thanksgivings ago -- the first without matt.  and yet it has served as a reminder today that many of us struggle with pain on thanksgiving day.  we can be thankful, and still hurt.  fortunately my God is bigger than my hurt - He was seven years ago and He is today.  i am thankful for that.

and i'll be sure to let you know when this nasty stone finally passes... :)

stones

by "stones", i mean kidney stones. what a week it has been! on tuesday morning i began to have back pain. i am very accustomed to back pain with pregnancy so i didn't think too much of it, and it began to subside tuesday afternoon. then, on wednesday afternoon it got bad -- like so bad that i called john crying while my students were out of the room. i was in a lot of pain. and it wasn't so much just back pain anymore. the pain was more in my side and would shoot around from my back to my stomach every so often. i knew that it was more than just normal pregnancy back pain, but i thought that maybe if i just went home and rested it would go away. no such luck. i pretty much laid around all night on wednesday. john took good care of me and kept the warm compresses handy -- that was really all that would make the pain lessen temporarily. by mid-evening i began wondering if it might be kidney stones. i had kidney stones when i was seven weeks pregnant with trey, and that pain is pretty unforgettable. my doctor has told me that kidney stones are common with pregnancy (although i don't know of one pregnant person in my life who has had them, but i'll take his word for it!). we hopped onto web md hoping to get some answers...and quickly found that we would not get the help we needed there. finally at 8:15, john called his mom to come get trey (thank you again, by the way! i know that trey enjoyed his sleepover!), and we headed to the ER.
i was pretty emotional by this point (no big surprise), but became even more so when they quickly rushed us from the ER up to the OB floor just in case. i was pretty certain that the pain i was having wasn't baby-related, but that was enough to scare both john and i for a few minutes. we got up to the OB floor, and they hooked me up to some monitors to follow baby's heart rate and to check for contractions. what an answer to prayer that everything with baby girl looked completely fine -- chances are she had no idea what was even going on with me. oh, what a relief. we spent some time there, got some reassurace from several nurses and even my doctor who happened to be there with a patient who was in labor. a few hours and a shot of morphine later we were on our way home and feeling so much better. (i had morphine with trey too -- i know, it sounds scary but apparently it's okay....when taken with doctor's orders!!)
the plan was that the stone would move and i would be pain-free. not so. i have been okay during the day for the most part, but in the evening and during the night the pain still pops up. pesky little stone! i know that john is ready for a good night's sleep, as am i! it is horrible to wake up during the middle of the night to that kind of pain. there really is nothing to do except wait it out. (i have discovered a new use for my labor breathing techniques!)
anyway, long story to say that i have kidney stones....again! and it stinks! hopefully no more hospital visits will be necessary, and we'll be able to sleep well at night again soon!

bubbles

trey has a new obsession -- bubbles! he can find even the tiniest bubble anywhere! sometimes he will be saying "bubble" over and over before we can find the bubble that he's looking at. he finds bubbles when i'm washing dishes, in our glasses of pop, in the washing machine, even in the humidifier in his bedroom! one day as john was driving with trey in the backseat, trey couldn't stop talking about the bubbles (raindrops) on the window. it's such a funny, random word...and he says it in the most adorable way -- "buh-bo". too cute. the other day i was giving trey a bath and he couldn't get enough of all the bubbles. i had to capture the moment -- my little guy and his obsession with bubbles. :)


"buh-bo"
mesmerized by the bubbles he can hold!
and just a cute photo of a happy guy!

fall photos

trey was in need of 18-month photos, and i really wanted to update our family photo...and my sister val just happens to be a very talented photographer...so we went out to enjoy some unusually warm early november temps a couple of weeks ago and got some amazing photos while we were at it! val has been taking gorgeous photos of nature for a while now, but has just branched out to begin photographing people. we were lucky to be the first family she's photographed, and are SO happy with the way the photos turned out. i just had to share...and i apologize but i couldn't choose just a few. it is amazing to me how our baby has turned into such a handsome little boy -- he is so full of life and loves exploring everything around him. while we are anxiously anticipating the arrival of our little girl, right now we just feel so blessed to be able to experience life with trey, and to enjoy all that he brings to our family.  thank you, val, for capturing such priceless memories of our family!!

the verdict is in...

trey has a little SISTER to look out for!!! to be honest, john and i were both completely speechless when the doctor said "yup, it looks like a girl". what?!?!? we don't know what to do with a girl! but we are SO excited to welcome some pink into our lives! of course, i asked him to show me over and over....just to be sure....but when we left he said that he was 95% sure that we have a little girl. she wasn't super cooperative during the ultrasound. apparently her positioning made it so that her legs were pretty close together the whole time, but we saw as much as we needed to, and came home with a photo for proof! (just as a sidenote, can i just say that i could never be an ultrasound technician?? how in the world can you tell what anything is on that screen? at one point i thought we were looking at her "private parts" and the doctor was like "no, that's her head". sorry sweet girl...i promise not to get confused when it counts!) anyway, we are beyond delighted and feel so very, very blessed. trey will be such a great big brother. we have always felt so humbled by the opportunity to raise a son to become a man of great conviction. a godly man, husband, and father who loves jesus and serves those around him. and now to think that we are being entrusted with a daughter. it feels a little overwhelming to be honest, but what a sacred challenge we've been given. thank you lord for this amazing gift! it's a girl!!!

pink or blue???

our ultrasound is thursday...and i can hardly wait! i am so excited to see that precious little face and watch our baby move around. i can't wait to hear the doctor tell us all about our little one, and i am SO hoping that we are able to get a clear answer as to whether trey will have a little brother or sister. it's crazy to think that we are already at this point. i remember a time in this pregnancy when i felt like it would never be over...but now i am feeling so good and it just seems to be flying by.
for the longest time i thought for sure that this baby was a girl. everything was just so different at first than it was with trey. but lately, i have seen so many similarities to my first pregnancy -- it makes me feel like this just must be another boy. either way, we are ready to know the gender of this little bundle, and can't wait to put a more clear picture together of what our future holds.
so, stay tuned....i will update on thursday, but our appointment isn't until 4:00 and we'll have some calls to make before i can post on the blog. if you feel like venturing a guess, i'd love to hear what you think we might be having! oh, and i did recently change my settings to allow anonymous comments. just please, sign your name if you enter anonymously so that i know who you are! :)

cute monkey

trey was such a cute little monkey this year for halloween! john and i had fun dressing him up (okay, that fun was mostly for me), and making the rounds to see lots of family last night. we think that trey had fun too, although he had a hard time showing it most of the night! it ended up being such a beautiful evening, but his costume was pretty warm, so we had to take layers off as we drove from place to place. we ended up making the same stops that we did last year - grandparents, great-grandparents, and aunts and uncles. we are fortunate to live so close to family!
his costume was so fitting for him this year -- trey loves climbing and being adventurous. his newest trick is hanging from things...anything he can just barely reach he'll grab and hang from! john and i tried so hard to get him to learn the monkey sound that we think we might have accidentally started a bit of a monkey obsession. he can tell us what a monkey says (although, again, he did not tell a single person last night) by moving one arm and saying "ah, ah, ah", and he loves to point out every monkey he sees.
trey really was so cute last night...unfortunately, it was almost impossible for me to get a good picture of him! i tried....over and over and over! he is just constantly on the move, and of course last night there was a lot going on to keep him very distracted! all in all, we had a great time with our little monkey and can't wait to do it all again next year!

our first stop was by great-grandma westrate. as soon as we walked in the door, trey started saying "coo-coo". trey loves grandma's cookies and is spoiled with one every time he visits!
looking cute, but not looking at the camera!

fascinated by his new light-up toy

the best family photo we could get!
nearing the end of the night - we were surprised how well he kept his costume on all night, but he finally decided that the head part had to go.
not the most flattering picture of our boy, but a pretty typical sight! enjoying a snack before leaving grandpa and grandma's house.
so tuckered out on the ride home. trey was just about asleep when we heard him say "coo-coo" in his sweet little tired voice. a night devoted to fun and food -- what could be better for trey???