trey woke up this morning, later than normal, which was such a blessing because i was actually sleeping again by that point. he was so happy all morning. he played with his trucks and danced to the music on the thanksgiving day parade. i just couldn't help but feel over-the-top thankful for everything that he brings to my life. it made me so thankful for my husband and the opportunity to be a mommy to trey and our little girl.
but i have to admit that through the pain of the last week, there have been more times than i can count that i just didn't feel thankful. there have been times when i have just felt so frustrated...wondering why the pain won't go away and how long i'll have to deal with it before i feel normal again. at times, i have felt so guilty because i didn't enjoy being pregnant and having to deal with these kidney stones, yet so many people that i love just long to be pregnant right now. i have been feeling so guilty about the medication i've been taking to help me deal with the pain. i guess that's the mom in me - don't we always feel guilty about not doing things "just right" for our kids? obviously, my preference would be to not have to take vicodin daily, but also i know that my doctor wouldn't have prescribed something to me that is not okay. i just have struggled with feeing weak because i can't handle more of the pain on my own. it has been an exercise in me really trusting that God has this little girl in His hands and knowing that He is watching her when i can't, and knows every single one of her needs. i am so thankful today for a God that promises to never leave me - i have experienced His faithfulness time and time again in my life, and i know that He will remain faithful.
i am so thankful today for the way that God has softened my heart over the past year. i am thankful for new friendships that have formed in my life, and old friendships that God has maintained. i am thankful for my job, for the opportunity to make children feel safe, valuable, and loved on a daily basis. i am thankful for my church, and for the way that i feel challenged there to put Jesus' love into action for those who are still lost or hurting around me. i am thankful for a loving and supportive husband who is such a strong pillar in my life. and i am so thankful for the cuddles, giggles, and even the trials that come with being a mom.
i just can't help but feel so very blessed today...even through the pain. this pain is so small compared to the pain i felt seven thanksgivings ago -- the first without matt. and yet it has served as a reminder today that many of us struggle with pain on thanksgiving day. we can be thankful, and still hurt. fortunately my God is bigger than my hurt - He was seven years ago and He is today. i am thankful for that.
and i'll be sure to let you know when this nasty stone finally passes... :)